Goal Setting 101

OK people, change of plans! I am going to refocus my efforts from losing weight to getting taller. Off to the medieval stretching racks I go. That HAS to be easier than dieting right??Joking of course but sometimes it seems anything is easier than dieting.

DIET. I am trying to actually remove the term from my vocabulary but it is pretty deeply ingrained. I have lived a life of one diet after another. I just want to learn to eat like a "normal" person (whatever the hell that means!). Getting a handle on my relationship with food is definitely one of my goals during this process, one of many goals. This post is going to look at how to set goals and then I will set my intentions for 2013.

Most successful people in the world know what they want and they have a plan to get it. Goal setting is consistent trait among top achievers especially with regards to fitness and business. It makes sense right? You are training for a marathon, you have milestones or things you need to accomplish to get there. You see yourself finishing that race but there is a process of training to get to that finish line.

In my professional life, I have always been a goal setter and it has led to a lot of success for me. For 10 years I worked in Sales and if I didn't have goals or quotas, I would have nothing to strive for. But I have never consistently done goal setting in my personal life. Sure, I have set goals on New Years Eve to get in shape and have more fun etc. But I have never truly set goals in writing and kept them in the forefront of my mind.

One of my favorite business gurus is Brian Tracy. He talks a lot about the process of goal setting in all of his books on sales and self improvement. Being that I want to be a top achiever now for my health, I am going to use the tools he sets out to set some goals for myself and I will share those tips with you.

1. Goals must be PRESENT, PERSONAL and POSITIVE. So for example, "I am smoke-free" is better than "Quit smoking".

2. Goals must be measurable and have a time line: "I am smoke-free by November 2nd, 2013"

Goals are 100 times more effective if written down and 1000 times more effective if rewritten every day. Have a book by your bed or on your desk that you write and rewrite your goals in everyday.

Goals are very personal and some people may decide to keep them private but sometimes sharing those goals creates a sense of accountability. I have shared with you my goal to lose 100 pounds, now I need to make it personal, positive and present to make it really effective. I also like to add an element of emotion or excitement to a goal. I feel the more excitement you can put behind a goal, the more drive you will have to accomplish it. That would look something like:

"I am 100 pounds lighter by December 31, 2013 and I feel full of energy and joy"

There is my main goal for 2013, that is my ultimate 1 year goal. But I believe in setting smaller, monthly goals as well. I have decided my monthly goals will not be about a number on the scale but rather about the process of getting to my ultimate goal of releasing 100 pounds. I also believe in setting a stretch goal that you keep in the back of your mind. For me, that stretch goal is to actually lose 120 pounds which would take me to a weight I haven't seen since Grade 6. So I am going to alter my main goal slightly to say:

"I am 100 or more pounds lighter by December 31, 2013 and I feel full of energy and joy"

You might be wondering why I didn't just set my goal to be 120 pounds. A stretch goal is just that, a stretch. It is very difficult to consistently lose 10 pounds a month and I know that. Although I feel like I could definitely lose 8.3 pounds which would get me to my goal. It is about setting a high standard but realistic enough to reach. I certainly don't want to limit myself to 100 pounds off but I don't want to be disappointed if I don't reach that stretch goal of 120.

Now to set my January goals:

"I walk a little bit further every day in January enjoying the crisp fresh air"

"I drink 3 litres of pure, clean water every day in January to replenish my body"

"I write my goals down every day in January and visualize my life as a healthy, new woman"

"I cleanse my body of toxins in January to start the year off fresh"

That should get me started!I have seen the power of setting goals in my career now I am going to harness that power and apply it to my health. I hope these tips help you be able to do the same if you so choose. Tomorrow I will get into the nitty gritty of why I chose the plan I did, what that plan is and any supplements I will be incorporating. I wish you all a very safe and fun New Years Eve and a fresh start for all tomorrow!

Maybe it's glandular??

I always used to say I had a large frame. I was just a bigger girl than most and by god, my bones must weigh a ton. That was until I learned how to find out if you are "big boned" by measuring your wrist circumference. Turns out, I have a small frame. A small frame carrying a heavy load. I have spent a lot of my life looking for reasons (beyond the food) for my weight problem. These include:

1. Environment: Can't blame that! Grew up in a very healthy home.
2. Genetics: Well there is something to that in my predisposition to be overweight but that said, my mother has always remained thin.
3. Thyroid: Not an issue
4. Metabolism: Maybe a little out of whack from years of yo-yo dieting but not enough to justify the size I am at.
5. Immobility: Nope. I don't have an inability to exercise, I have just chosen not to in recent years.
6. Hormones: Ding Ding Ding we have a winner! I have some issues with my hormones that certainly don't help my situation. Let's look at this a little further.

I started going to specialists when I was 6 years old because I was already showing signs of puberty. I began menstruating at 9 and was fully developed by 11. Precocious puberty it was called. Not unusual by today's standards but back in the day, I was a rarity. At the age of 13 I was finally diagnosed with something called Poly Cystic Ovarian Syndrome, PCOS for short. This is something I will definitely explore deeper in another post since 1 in 9 women may have PCOS. It goes largely undiagnosed because people show symptoms in so many different ways. For example, I have PCOS and I have issues with my period, hair growth in places a lady doesn't want it (thank god for waxing!) and obesity. The singer Jewel also has PCOS and her major problem was with infertility but no issues with weight.

I have researched this disorder for years and will share the conventional and natural treatment options when I post about it in a few weeks. PCOS creates a body that is more likely to store fat but it doesn't make it impossible to lose it. In my twenties, my doctor made me feel so hopeless about my prospects to lose weight and ever have children due to my PCOS that I kind of gave up on myself. If this blog only helps one other woman to see the possibilities for herself, even with PCOS, then I am a happy woman!

The last 10 posts have been all about looking back. Tomorrow on New Years Eve 2012, I begin looking forward. I will share my goals (I refuse to call them resolutions!) for the next 12 months and on January 1st I will share my plan to get there. I want to thank you all again for reading and sending me so much positivity. I am so excited to share this next chapter of my life with you all!

Power of Personality: The Ugly!

I love this quote from one of my favorite self-improvement gurus, Brian Tracy. It’s true; nothing is more toxic to living the life you desire than a bad attitude. Now, no one is happy and positive ALL the time and if they are, no one wants to spend any time with them. That said, trying to maintain a positive outlook on life is one of the keys to happiness and success. What about when your personality or character flaws get in the way of that positive outlook? It’s bound to happen but knowing what those character flaws are allows you to keep them in check.

Yesterday was all “puppies and lollipops” as I listed off some of my positive personality traits. It sure felt good to dig deep and focus on the positive. Today will be more “porcupines and liverwurst” as I expose a handful of my less desirable qualities. I actually went through these with my husband Jon last night to make sure I wasn’t just being hard on myself but NO, it appears I am a real piece of work J

Louise’s Not So Kick Ass Personality Traits

1.       Impatient: I could very well be the most impatient person ever, ESPECIALLY when it comes to weight loss. If things aren’t progressing at the speed I envision (which generally is the speed of light) then I get impatient and give up. It is really quite childish! I don’t kick and scream….often…but I throw all progress out the window and move onto something else. I don’t think I am really impatient with other people, although my husband might disagree, but with myself I am terrible.

2.       Impulsive: Another “Im” word….hmmmm wonder if there is a meaning to that? I am a very impulsive person. I make decisions quickly and often without thinking things through. Now this is not always a bad thing, I certainly don’t suffer from analysis paralysis and no one can accuse me of sitting on the fence. But I know my impulsivity makes my husband uneasy and it affects more than just me. How it affects my ability to lose weight is that I change my mind too frequently. I hear about some new can’t fail weight loss pill, gadget, program and I am on it baby. I am a nutritionist and I should know better but keep in mind, I am a fat nutritionist!

3.       Judgmental: As Jon once said to me “Judgment. Your biggest fear and greatest strength!” Now I am not talking about judging people on how they look or dress although I am human and sometimes that creeps in. Usually while at Wal-Mart! I tend to be more judgmental with regards to peoples actions or inactions. If they are not what I think is “right” then it is hard for me not to judge. I guess you could say I am not a “live and let live” sort of gal. For example, every month Jon and I donate a good amount of money to charity. If I know someone has the means to do the same and don’t, I judge them. The problem, and I realize this now, is that I don’t know the whole story. Perhaps they volunteer their time which is a currency far more valuable than money. It is like I am judging people based on my values instead of looking at their own. On the flip side, I am very much afraid of being judged. Part of the reason I am doing this blog is to get over that fear. No one judges me more harshly than I judge myself. I resolve in 2013 to be gentler in my judgment of myself and others….even you Jon. J

4.       Procrastinator: I think I will come back to this one…….

5.       Hedonistic: The definition of hedonistic is: Pursuit of or devotion to pleasure, especially to the pleasures of the senses. YUP! That’s me. I like all things good; good food, good nookie, good books, good movies, good drinks. The list goes on and on. My hedonism and procrastination kind of play off each other. I can always find something I would RATHER do than the things I necessarily SHOULD do. The exception to this is at work, I tend to tackle things head on there. The good, the bad and the ugly. But in the other areas of my life, I almost always pick pleasure over the mundane. Floors need vacuuming? Sure but my bed looks so warm and cozy. Time to go for a walk? Well DUH but I am really into this movie. Are those veggies about to go bad in the fridge? Yep but I would prefer pizza. This sort of self-indulgent lifestyle is obviously going to have to change to get this fat off especially considering it is a big reason why I am so overweight. The way I am going to do that is change my definition of self-indulgent to include things like exercise and eating well. We already got rid of cable so I am half way there!!

6.        Arrogant: This is one of Jon’s additions to my list and I was surprised, until I heard his reasoning. I guess I am a bit of a know it all? I really didn’t see it until he, rather easily, started rhyming off examples. I guess I am particularly bad when it comes to nutritional/weight loss advice. I know where this stems from. I was going to be the next big thing in the weight loss world. I was going to get myself healthy on a diet I devised, write a book, help millions and of course, be on Oprah. So I have spent the last 15 years formulating this miracle plan in my mind and it would be the ONLY plan that would work for me. It didn’t stop me from spending thousands of dollars on other diets but I would just call that research. If I could figure out why those didn’t work, I could improve my master plan. If I am completely honest, my master plan was just a conglomeration of many other plans mashed together. Nothing new, nothing ground breaking. If someone tried to give me advice, I would be polite and listen but in my mind I was all like “Do you know who you are talking to???!!!” Arrogant indeed. Stubborn for sure. I am no longer a slave to my master plan. I am open to all possibilities, even those I didn’t come up with myself.

Well, that sucked but a worthy exercise all the same. Now that I am painfully aware of my character flaws, I can stomp on them when they start to drag me down. I will re-read this post whenever I start to fall back into bad habits or if I forget. Although as I found out last night, my husband is only so keen to remind me.

The Power of Personality

This post I am going to explore personality and how it impacts weight. Does personality directly impact the number on the scale? Not particularly but I do believe that we all have certain character traits that make it easier or more difficult to get the weight off. I know for myself, my personality can be a help or a hindrance. I am going to do a pro/con sort of exercise here and I suggest you do the same if you are trying to lose weight. When you know what tools you are working with or are working against you, you can make changes. Knowledge is power.

It is always easier to rhyme off what we don’t like about ourselves so in the spirit of showing myself more love, I am going to start with my positives.

Louise’s Kick Ass Personality Traits

1.       Bravery: Not jump out of a plane type bravery but I think I am brave in the way that I don’t shy away from uncomfortable situations. I try to look at those sorts of things as opportunities to grow. Some examples of this in my life have been:

·         Encouraging my parents to sell their home and move to another town when I was in Grade nine. Even though it meant starting over in a new high school, I was excited about the prospect. My only trepidation was leaving my best friend but we survived and are besties to this day.

·         Deciding to study Nutrition in University. I knew full well that I would be the only person with a weight problem in my program and I was. Even telling people that I wanted to be a Nutritionist when I was 100 pounds overweight could have been uncomfortable for some. I knew it was the right decision for me and that is all that mattered. I was proud and knew in my heart that I would kick ass at it.

·         Public speaking. I have always embraced opportunities to get up and speak in front of groups. In my job as a Sales Rep, I used to do public lectures on topics ranging from cleansing to indigestion. Even though I would be nervous and shaky beforehand, once I started speaking it was like a high.

How is bravery going to help me in my weight loss journey? Well I think it I am either brave or crazy to be writing this blog! It will take bravery on my part to admit when I encounter failure and I will. No journey is a straight line. Most of all I will have to be brave when I need to ask for help or support. I am fiercely proud and independent so asking for help is not easy but I will do it when I need it.            

2.       Humor: Anyone who knows me knows that I am a joker. I have a sick, twisted and I like to think, delightful sense of humor. How will that help me blast the fat? Well sometimes you just have to laugh. You have to take life as it comes and if you can laugh instead of cry, you are ahead in the game. Plus, laughing burns calories right?

3.       Kindness: I like to think I am a kind human being to both people and animals. I feel other’s pain deeply and try to live a life that doesn’t hurt others. That being said I am not very kind to myself (and my husband at times!). I need to embrace my empathetic nature and apply it to myself. That alone will go a long way towards helping in this emotional journey.

4.       Drive: I have always been a very driven individual. I had my first job when I was 13 and haven’t stopped working since. For my age I am very established in a career I love and really push myself to be my very best in that regard. I have used that drive in other areas of my life as well. I used it to pay off $20,000 of credit card debt in one year, to save up for our down payment for our house, to quit smoking, to hit quotas etc. I need to harness this drive to keep me motivated to reach all the goals I set for myself going forward, especially the BIG ONE!

5.       Honesty: I try to be honest with others and I am very open (as I guess this blog is demonstrating). Where I need to be more honest is with myself. In the past if I was on a weight loss program and it stopped working, I would change it claiming that the program was flawed. I genuinely thought that I knew better but in all honesty, the program wasn’t the issue. If I really was honest with myself I would admit that the program stopped working because I stopped working the program. I stopped counting carbs or points or servings. I stopped writing down what I was eating. I stopped paying attention to the little snacks or nibbles here and there. I STOPPED FOLLOWING THE PLAN. Now that I have admitted that, I know better. The plan I am going to follow in 2013 and beyond is going to be followed the way it was intended. If I fall off track it is because I messed up. Admitting this is going to keep me honest. No more excuses!

6.       Desire to learn: I am a constant learner. I like to read and research things so that I know them inside out. I read self-improvement literature and try to apply at least one concept from every book I read or cd I listen to. In my industry, I keep on top of new and exciting developments. I just like to learn new things. Much of my life has been dedicated to learning about why we get fat and what to do about it. What I have truly learned (sadly) is that there is no magic bullet or formula. It is basically about balancing energy input with expenditure. Calories in need to be less than calories out. Are there ways to improve this formula? Of course but at the end of the day, this is it. So this year, I am not going to bombard myself with reading about weight loss. Rather, I am going to use my desire to learn to discover new ways to deal with the emotional turmoil that comes along with it.

 

I am sure there are more positive character traits that I can draw on in this journey but this is a great starting point. I will be reading and rereading this list when I need to trust myself and the process.  Tomorrow I will look at my less stellar points (let’s hope the list isn’t twice as long as this one!). When you know better, you do better J

 

 

Merry Christmas To All!

Well it is Christmas eve and this will be my last post for a day or two. I have decided to look back on the year and all I have to be grateful for. This is something I usually do on New Years Eve but this year I will be looking FORWARD, not back :)

This time last year Jon and I were in the hospital. I was admitted the day before with a bad flu, not a good thing when you are 8 months pregnant. We were so worried that they were going to induce me and we would meet our little miracle 6 weeks early. Thank goodness that was not necessary and he was able to stay cozy inside for another 5 weeks. We were discharged 15 minutes before Christmas day and were so happy to be home.

Aidan Kennedy Vokins was born 5 weeks later at 12:30 AM February 1st. He was and continues to be our pride and joy. Of course, he is what I am most grateful for in 2012 but there is more.

• I am super grateful that my mother was able to stay with us for 3 weeks after Aidan arrived. Having her there made my transition to motherhood much smoother. I am sure there were many times that she bit her tongue but I appreciated her letting me figure things out on my own with gentle guidance when needed.
• Along the same lines, I am grateful at how many times I got to visit with my family this year. I am so happy that they have been able to see Aidan every few monthes to watch him change and grow.
• I am grateful to have such an understanding boss and coworkers when I decided not to come back to work when Aidan was 6 monthes old.
• I feel blessed to have sold our home and bought our dream house so smoothly. The whole process took less than 1 month and our marriage survived!
• Now that I am back to work, I am so happy to no longer have such a long commute. Before I was driving 1.5 hours each way and now I can get door to door in 11 minutes. Such an amazing feeling.
• I am glad that this year taught us that we can live on much less money (due to my being on maternity leave) and helped us to see where we were living in excess. To survive on 1/4 of our income and not go into debt is a huge victory in my books!
•  I am over the moon with gratitude that Jon is staying home to take care of Aidan for the next year or more. It means sacrifices for sure but it just feels right for our situation. He is a great dad and I am so proud of both of them!

Lastly, I am grateful for all of you. My friends, family and strangers who are sending such awesome vibes in my direction. I hope that this year has been filled with many blessings for all of you as well and that 2013 is overflowing with many more.

Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night.....

"Exercise" the demons

Dear Exercise,

I don't like you, you don't like me. It is kind of this arrangement we've had for awhile now. You make me sweaty, sore and frankly, I would rather be spending time doing other things. The problem is that I think I kind of need you in my life going forward. I know, I know! I am not happy about it either but I guess we had better suck it up and get on with it!

See you January 1st.
Louise

You know those people who love exercise? I am not one of those people. I used to be one of those people a LONGTIME ago but my shadow hasn't darkened the door of a gym in about 10 years. I hope to become one of those people again but right now, I am not.

So what happened? I can give you any number of excuses: sore knee, bad back, long work hours, etc. But the truth is, exercise dropped off my priority list many moons ago. We just moved to Oakville a few months ago and one thing I have noticed is the inordinate number of joggers. I look at these people, running rain or shine, and I am inspired. Not inspired enough to get off my ass but certainly inspired to think about it! Now I am not crazy enough to think that January 1st I am going to wake up, slip on my runners and go for a jog. If I did you would find me about 4 houses down with a wicked cramp and maybe even a slight cardiac arrest. But I am going to get up and start walking and every day I am going to walk a little further.

I chose to name this post "Exercise" the demons not because I think exercise is the devil....although the thought has crossed my mind. I chose that name because a lot of exercise enthusiasts I know use it for that exact reason. They use it to blow off steam, deal with stress and any number of emotions. Right now I use food. For me to get this weight off once and for all, that has to change so I am hoping that EXERCISE may help to exorcise some of my demons. Certainly it will be one of the tools in my arsenal.

An interesting aside: I am sure many of you remember the Dr. Phil book "Life Strategies" in which he discusses figuring out your "Defining Moments". One of my defining moments happened in Grade 7 at a Junior girls basketball game. When I was younger I was actually quite athletic. I skied, skated, swam, danced, played soccer, basketball and volleyball. I wasn't ever the best on the team but I really enjoyed it. In this instance, we were playing against the Catholic school basketball team when from the sidelines someone started chanting "Earthquake" whenever I ran with the ball. It was one of my bullies who just so happened to be on the Senior girls basketball team that was playing next. I was mortified! I couldn't believe I was being harassed by someone on my own team. After that game, I quit the team. I quit the volleyball team as well. In fact it was the end of me really "trying" at sports of any kind. My enjoyment of the game was far outweighed by my desire to avoid being humiliated like that ever again.

I am a big believer that exercise is only about 20% of the equation when losing weight but I think it is a much bigger percentage when it comes to keeping it off. I truly believe to my core that had I not had that experience so many years ago that I would have stayed playing sports and perhaps my weight wouldn't have gotten so out of control. I can't be sure of this but it just goes to show how a moment in time can have such a lasting and damaging effect.

Yes there is clothing hanging off the treadmill and yes, Aidan is wearing his pjs for a hat.

So it is time to dust off the yoga pants and take the clothes off the treadmill. It is time to push myself just a little more than I am used to and perhaps this time next year, I will be one of those crazy folks jogging in the snow!

Blogging while Baileying

I don't know what it is about the holidays that makes me crave Bailey's so much? The holidays and cottages actually. Those who know me know that I am not much of a drinker. In fact, for a heavyweight I am a lightweight when it comes to alcohol but at this time of year Bailey's calls my name.  So as I sit here sipping my coffee and Baileys I am thinking about the last few days. I had a bit of a panicky feeling yesterday after my blog post. I was thinking "What are people going to think of me?" and my classic fear of judgement started creeping in.

In order for me to reach my objectives with this blog, I have to be genuine and honest. With that comes the feeling of being exposed. With that exposure has come a flood of support and loving words from friends near and far. Am I being judged? I imagine there are a few people who have stumbled across my posts that can't relate to my words and experiences. Maybe they think I am weak willed? Maybe they think I am crazy for sharing this with the world? But the bottom line is what they think doesn't matter. I am reminded of a quote from Wayne Dyer that I will close with tonight because it fits so perfectly:

"What other people think of me is none of my business."

Coping With Food

When I was growing up there was no crap in our cupboards. No fake foods in our fridge. We ate brown bread, tons of veggies from the garden in our backyard and even homemade yogurt. My mom made sure we ate a nutritious and varied diet. We had treats of course but on special occasions, not whenever we wanted them. I remember being excited about my dad bringing home a coconut to crack and drink the milk inside….now THAT was a treat. I also remember going to friends’ houses and marveling at the food they got to eat; potato chips, cookies from the store, those gummy fruit snacks, soda! My best friend’s cupboards had all sorts of goodies and I could never understand how she didn’t just eat it all. If that stuff was in my cupboards, it would be gone (which is probably why my parents made sure that sort of stuff wasn’t).  When it came to living a healthy lifestyle, my parents were great role models. They ate nutritious food, were always busy, rarely watched TV, and rarely ate out. Even though my father was overweight, he never seemed to fluctuate up and down. Both my older brother and I were big kids and I know they worried about us. They made sure we were always enrolled in sports and tried to monitor what we ate. When you are a kid, much like when you are an adult, you want what you can’t have. Not wanting to disappoint them, I started sneaking food or eating in private.  A habit that persisted well into my twenties and still lingers today.

 When I got older and started babysitting, I really started eating a lot of foods I wasn’t accustomed to and developed quite a taste for junk food. Along with the babysitting came money so I used it to buy chocolate and candy when I was out with my friends but made sure to eat it all before I got home. I am not sure what I thought would happen if my mom knew? Knowing her and her sweet tooth now, she probably would have just shared it with me! At the time though, I didn’t want to let my parents down. Once I started on the dieting roller-coaster in junior high, I was either in a state of feast or famine. I would go on these super strict diets that would be almost starving me (unbeknownst to my parents) until I couldn’t take it anymore and I would binge.

At school, while popular with my peers, there was a group of girls a year older than me that ruthlessly taunted me. I was very developed for my age and had breasts and curves at the age of 11. Within one week of starting junior high, they were calling me a whore, slut, fat pig and cow. I was shocked. I hadn’t done anything to precipitate it and had never been teased before. I couldn’t tell a teacher or my folks because if they got involved it would just make things worse. I thought if I lost weight, the teasing would stop hence why I joined Nutrasystem. I lost weight, the bullying intensified. I couldn’t even walk home from school with my friends without have insults hurled at me from the bus as they drove by on their way home. I felt constantly sick. I stopped eating the lunches my mom would pack me (god forbid they saw me actually eat). I even changed the route I walked home. The new route took me right past the grocery store. I got into the habit of stopping there and buying pastries. Many days I would also buy something like flour or baking soda so that the cashier would think I was doing groceries for my mom. I would stop at a little park, eat the pastries so fast I would barely taste them, throw out whatever else I picked up and head home. The food made me feel calm, it was my comfort.

I had made the emotional connection to food very early in life. I can actually remember the moment that it happened as clear as if it was yesterday:

My parents were in Ottawa for some medical appointments and I was staying with my grandparents. My nanny had made oxtail stew and I refused to eat it. Nanny was a strong woman and you didn’t mess with her so I got a spanking and sent upstairs without dinner. I remember crying and planning to run away but then my Gramps came up to see me. He quietly told me not to tell Nanny and pulled a box of Smarties AND a coffee crisp bar out of his pocket. I ate both candies so fast and immediately felt better.  

Now anyone who has a weight problem would probably agree that food is their friend. It comforts them when they are sad or hurt. It celebrates with them when they are happy. It calms them when they are angry. It keeps all of their secrets and asks nothing in return.  I figured out very early on that food makes you feel good and it became my coping mechanism. It was in that instant with my Gramps that I associated food with love and with taking away pain. To this day I use food to deal with my emotions but that is going to end now. It helped me through some hard times but it is a coping mechanism that no longer serves me. I believe that THIS is going to be my biggest challenge for 2013.

WOW some of this stuff is stuff I have never told anyone. Enough for today…time to take a big breath and find a non-food related way to deal with the anxiety I am feeling bubbling under the surface. Thanks again for your support if you are reading this, a million thanks….

 

 

 

Putting it on: FOOD

If I had a “Favorite Things” list like my friend Oprah, food would be at the top of that list. Not something specific like Cocoa Dusted Georgia Almonds in a decorative tin ($76 for 100 grams) that she might list. Just food, plain good old fashioned food would be at the top of mine.

You don’t get to be my size by not liking to eat. I have never bought the whole “the reason I am fat is that I don’t eat enough” argument but lord knows I have used it. When I was a sales rep on the road I rarely would eat lunch so I would come home famished. I would then proceed to eat a balanced meal followed by a 3 hour snacking marathon. Some nights it might be cereal, other nights it might be multiple trips to the vending machine if I was staying in a hotel. Regardless of the sustenance, I can guarantee that I ate far more calories during my post-dinner snack fest than had I eaten a large lunch earlier in the day.  I would say “I don’t know why I am fat, I barely eat all day!” and I said it enough that I actually started to believe it.

The thing with me is that I actually do really like healthy foods. Love veggies and will enjoy a kale and spinach smoothie as much as an iced cappuccino. Don’t buy white bread or rice, potato chips (often) or a lot of processed crap. My main problem when it comes to food is sheer quantity and taking the time to prepare food at home. While I don’t bring a lot of processed or bad foods into the house by way of groceries, we eat take out and restaurant food WAY too often. The logical side of me knows that I can whip up a healthy meal for my husband and I in far less time than it takes to wait for a pizza or run out for burgers. In fact, most nights we both would probably prefer some good homemade food but when that 6:00 hits our willpower goes out the window. So we go back and forth deciding what we would like to eat, finally decide and off we go. An hour later we both feel bloated, disappointed in our decisions and tired. This is not an every night occurrence but it happens more often than I like to admit.

Then there is the portion thing. This is a biggy for me and we live in a society where big is better (when it comes to food at least!).  Restaurant portions are bigger, plates are bigger, coffees are bigger and as a result PEOPLE are bigger. Now common sense dictates that if you want to lose weight you need to eat less, at least less of the “bad” foods. I wish it was as simple as that for me but my head always gets in the way. I am the queen of extreme when it comes to my diet. When I am watching what I eat, I am really driven. I can easily cut out whole food groups and won’t miss it. Bread, fruit, sugar, meat, dairy…whatever the scheme of the day is for me. The problem is that I can only sustain that for so long before I fall of the wagon. When I fall, I fall hard. I roll into the ditch and the damn wagon rolls right on top of me. It can take days, weeks and sometimes months to get back on the road again. All of the progress I made is undone and I am back to where I started, just in a more discouraged state of mind.

Diets are the devil, of this I am sure. The first diet I ever went on was Nutrisystem when I was in grade 6. I BEGGED my parents to let me enroll. It involved them having to drive me 2 hours each way once a week to pick up my food and get weighed in. I desperately wanted to do it because for the first time I was beginning to be teased for my weight at school. Teased is not likely the word for it, full blown bullying would be more accurate (more about this when I talk about my emotional connection to food). It was the first time that I was acutely aware that I was overweight. My first weigh in at Nutrisystem I weighed 165 pounds. What I would give to weigh 165 pounds today! That was my first diet and 25 years later I have dozens of diets under my belt. You name it, I have tried it and likely more than once!  All of this is very hard for anyone to admit but even harder for a Nutritionist but it is cleansing to get this out. More on me and dieting tomorrow when I continue my exploration of the other f word…FOOD J

Putting it on: Part one

I have spent a lot of time in my life trying to figure this whole weight thing out, probably too much time.  I always looked at it as my challenge to overcome so I could write my NY Times Bestseller and be on Oprah. Can't blame a girl for dreaming but I have come to peace with the idea that likely is not going to happen (thanks for nothing Oprah!!).

As I said before, I can't remember a time when I wasn't overweight.I am not someone who lives in the past but I do believe you have to understand it to create the future you want. I didn't suffer some large trauma in my childhood that caused me to wrap myself in fat for protection, in fact my childhood was pretty great. There was not one large event that occurred that shaped me. What I have found is that my weight is the result of a variety of factors. Oddly enough, the same factors that will help me take it off.

How does someone become morbidly obese? I HATE that term but that is what I am considered. Ain't that a kick in the junk?!  Well it doesn't happen overnight but it can kind of sneak up on you. 
What I have come to learn is that there are 5 factors that contribute to my issues with weight:

• FOOD
• EMOTIONS
• ACTIVITY
• PERSONALITY
• HEALTH

Within each of those categories I have developed patterns or habits that do not serve me and every area overlaps. For example, my emotions tie into food when I emotionally eat (Thanks Captain Obvious!). But what I have found from really digging deep is there are connections that I didn't make before as well.  The good news? I have a large degree of control over each of these factors which  is important because that is exactly what I need to work on to get this weight off once and for all.
Over the next few posts I am going to be very candid about what led me to be 100+ pounds overweight. It is my story but I have a feeling that many of you reading can relate. The first topic I am going to tackle in tomorrows post is food. Something I have a very strong love/hate relationship with. Until then, thanks for all the support! It means the world to me.

A little about me.....

Welcome to my blog where I publicly declare my intention to lose 100 pounds next year. Am I crazy? LIKE A FOX but that is besides the point. I have reached a crossroad in my life where I have to take some drastic steps to make some dramatic changes. This is one of those steps.

My name is Louise and I've had a lifelong battle with my weight. I have lost and gained hundreds of pounds in my 36 years but have never managed to lose 100 pounds in one shot. The year before I had my son I lost 94 pound and then got preggers. Did I gain it back? Even with the best intentions to only put on 20 pounds during my pregnancy, I managed to gain all but 40 pounds back. Am I disappointed in myself? Hell yeah. Is it time to move on? You bet!

I can't remember a time when I wasn't heavy. My weight has never held me back in relationships or my career but I am feeling now that it is holding me back in living the life I desire. Not only for myself but for my son and husband. I want to learn to downhill ski without the fear of taking out a whole group of tourists as I barrel down the hill. I want to go on a tropical vacation and actually wear a bathing suit instead of the equivalent to an Amish swimming dress! I just want to live day to day without having to think about my weight...it is exhausting!

Do I know what to do to lose it? Why yes, yes I do. In fact I am a nutritionist, albeit a fat one. I decided to study Applied Human Nutrition at University of Guelph. Just like the crazy dude who goes into Psychiatry, I wanted to solve my own problems. Did I figure them out? NO because weight issues are far more than what you eat. But I did gain a lot of insights into how the human body works and what we SHOULD be feeding it to perform optimally. Sadly it is not apple fritters and coffee. Apparently, an apple fritter a day does NOT keep the doctor away!

So my intention with this blog is 3 fold.

1. I want to build more accountability into my life. I figure if my friends, family and complete strangers are rooting for me I will not want to let them down. I am also fiercely proud so putting this journey out for all to see will encourage me to stay the course.
2. I want to practice what I preach. I have spent the last 15 years of my life helping other people reach their health goals. I hate to call myself hypocritical but I guess that is exactly what I have been. I work for a company that produces some of the  finest supplements available and with people who ooze health and wellness, it is a great team. I want to be a shining example of what we stand for instead of a "before" photo on one of our testimonials!
3. I want to educate and inspire other people who are on the same journey as I am. If I can help just one other person make a positive change, then it is all worth it.

I really hope you will follow along. It may not always be pretty but I guarantee it will be educational and maybe even fun. As 2012 draws to a close, I will spend some time blogging about how I got to this point (and most likely eating way too many Christmas sweets). Come January 1st 2013 I will hit the ground running with my plan to finally lose 100 pounds, safely and for good.

I am excited, terrified, already regretting but also looking forward to this next adventure. Thanks in advance for your support and encouragement. Let the games begin!