Wow it is hard to believe that it is only 100 days until January 1st, 2014. 100 days until I am supposed to be 100 pounds lighter. Sadly that is not going to be the case, of this I am sure. Could have I lost 100 pounds this year? I think so. Is all lost? Not at all! I have learned so much about myself through this process. Plus I am down 30 pounds which is better than a kick in the junk.
It is hard for me not to compare myself to other people. I am happy for the successes of others but at the same time, they make mine look like failure. This is the sort of thinking I am trying to shake. They are on their journey (and rocking it) and I am on mine which is rocky. I have just come off a "diet bender" of sorts. Week long cycles of feast and famine where I gain and lose the same
5-8 pounds over and over again. I am so freaking out of whack with my eating that I feel like I am in the weeds big time. Not that I am even eating all that crazy, it is just crazy for me. I have 30 years of dieting under my belt and an endocrine disorder that just LOVES to keep me wrapped in this cozy blanket of chub. I can't get away with eating the way others do. I am no saint, but I am not the food anti-christ either!
I woke up this morning and my friend Nanda had posted this on her facebook wall:
"Confused about where to start? Are you stuck in a vicious cycle and afraid to move? I am now taking new Clients for October... is it YOUR time?!"
It hit me like a bolt. I need guidance. I need help and I think Nanda can help me. Ever since my yoga retreat in August I have been really struggling with two ends of the spectrum. On one end I want to lose this weight desperately and reach the goals I set for myself. On the other end I know that I can be overweight and healthy and happy. I am fed up with battling my body but hanging up my weapons feels like giving up. I want to get to that place where I naturally nourish my body because it is the right thing to do, not because I want to see a smaller number on the scale. Nanda can help me get there. I feel it in my bones. She is a holistic nutritionist who treats you from the inside out.
I know, I know, I am also a nutritionist but have you ever heard the saying "Doctor heal thyself"? That is me.
So this next 100 days is not about losing weight. It is about getting right with myself and taking care of myself better than I have in years. It is about losing the shame I feel for dropping the ball on myself and instead feeling proud for what I have accomplished. It is about not wishing for what I don't have and instead being grateful for what I do have. It is about reconnecting with myself, my husband, my friends and family. The next 100 days is about me, not the scale (although it can feel free to start moving in the right direction).
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