If I was to look for a word to describe 2013 it would be EMPOWERING. While it definitely wasn't all roses, there were a lot of successes that we experienced as a family. We had decided that Jon was going to stay home with Aidan. We were so stressed about the financial consequences of this decision but we did it. We managed to go down to one income while doubling our mortgage and taking on a new car loan and we are still floating above water. We realized that we didn't need any more stuff. That meant no birthday gifts for one another, no Christmas gifts except for the wee one. Hand me downs for Aidan and consignment store shopping for me. No expensive dinners out and we went to the cottage in October rather than during peak times. We had to make concessions but it was so worth it to have Jon be able to stay home with the little man. This was a huge success for us.
Going back to work for me was something I was looking forward to. I admire stay at home parents so much but I don't think I am cut out for it. I love my job and the people I work with and for. Going to work every day is something I look forward to (not to say that I don't have THOSE days, I do). I was blessed to be given a promotion so I will be starting 2014 as "Marketing Manager" which is very exciting! This will bring new challenges but also new opportunities. I am proud of myself as I always told myself I was not a creative person. I have no marketing degree or formal training but over the past few years I have seen my creativity flourish. Now I proudly include "creative" in the language I use to describe myself.
Now that I have found my niche, it is Jon's turn. Being home with Aidan is a blessing and we hope to continue until he is in school full time however there will come a time when Jon has to return to work. I hope that over the next few years he can decide what he wants to do going forward and find something that will make him as happy as my career makes me. That may include taking some courses or going back to school. It may be owning a business. Whatever it is, it is his time to discover it. I am excited to see what the future holds for him and our family.
This year has also empowered us as parents in that Aidan is still alive and kicking! Both Jon and I wondered if we were cut out for this whole parenting thing and it seems that we are doing a pretty good job. Aidan is a delightful little guy. Nope, he is not talking yet. Nope, he is not counting or pointing to his nose. Yes, it kind of has me freaked out but I know he is just perfect the way he is. He will do things in his own time and it is not something that is determined by our "good" or "bad" parenting skills. Kids thrive in spite of us. He is the best thing either of us have ever done and we can't wait to see all of his firsts.
I feel that this year has empowered us as a couple. We have been through so many life changes, some good, some not so much. We trust each other to the core. We love each other even when we don't like each other. We believe in one another and in our family. We share common goals and values. We are not perfect but we are perfect for each other.
Last but not least, I feel empowered as a flawed human being. I have "failed" in a very public way with this blog. I set a lofty goal and fell very short of reaching it. Failure is a harsh word but it is true in this case. I did NOT lose 100 pounds in 2013. What I find so empowering is that I am OK with it. In fact, I am feeling pretty darn good about the whole situation. I have grown, I have not let this unravel or embarrass me and the coolest part, I feel like I may have empowered others to try. I will sign off with a quote from Winston Churchill (my grandmother would be proud) and look forward to continuing this journey in 2014.
Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts.
Sunday, December 29, 2013
Saturday, December 28, 2013
Lessons Learned
I can't believe that in 3 days it will be January 1st. Needless to say, I have not lost 100 pounds this year. I think I will be lucky if I am down 1/4 of that after all of the holiday treats. Even if the weight is not gone, all is not lost. I have learned A LOT this year. A lot about myself, a lot about others and a lot about how I want to live my life moving forward. These lessons are more valuable than any number on the scale. Today I am going to share some of what I have discovered over the past 362 days. I may get it all out in this post or I may have to continue tomorrow, regardless this is a time for retrospection.
What I have learned this year:
1) I am not alone. My weight has always felt like a burden I carried on my own. When I began writing my blog, I realized that hoards of people struggled in the same ways I did. People who I would look at and think that they looked perfect, they struggled as much as I did. Whether someone had 200, 100, 20 or 2 pounds to lose, it was a big deal to them. Their journey may be different from mine but the feelings and struggles were often the same. I would never wish issues like this on anyone but it has been comforting knowing I am not alone.
2) I am so much more than the number on the scale. At the end of the day, no one but me ever has to see that number and if I so choose, I never have to see it myself again. It is just that, a number. A measurement of my mass, not my worth. I am a mother, a manager, a wife, a daughter, a sister, a friend. I am funny, smart, sexy, kind, altruistic, sensitive, temperamental and a bit of a bitch sometimes. I am fat and that is okay because it is only one very small part of what makes me, me.
3) I tend to put others before myself. I have read this blog from beginning to end and something really stood out to me, I lost my way in May. What happened in May? Well, we brought a friend into our home who had fallen on tough times. Someone who my husband didn't even know and who is still living with us now. At the time, I did what I thought was right for him but in that impulsive decision, I put what was right for my family and I on the back burner. Having someone living under your roof for 8 monthes is stressful. As he got his life back together again, ours started to fall apart. I am not blaming him at all but it made me see that I made a poor decision. Part of me thinks that taking on that "project" allowed me to stop focusing on my own. Wouldn't be the first time.
4) I am impatient, impulsive and very hedonistic. Those may sound like bad character traits but they are mine. One of the things that I wanted to do through this process was to pick a path and stay the course. White knuckle it through the hard times where I wasn't experiencing success with the end in mind. I wanted to overcome my impatience, impulse control issues and pleasure seeking behaviour but why? Those traits have caused me to take risks, push myself to do better, enjoy life and all of its delights. They are part of what makes my personality the way it is, they are part of why I am successful in many areas of my life, they are part of me. I have grown to kind of dig them.
5) If I don't lose another pound ever, I am going to be OK. I still want to get some of this weight off for many reasons. I am going to continue working on this goal but I am at peace with the idea that I can be large and still be healthy. I have done a lot of research this year about health at any size and realize that my goal has to be HEALTH not THINNESS. I am working on this inch by inch.
That's all I have in me for today. It has been a hell of a week but I will write more in the next day or so. Thank you to everyone for your support and kindness this year. I hope you have learned some things about yourself through this process. xoxoxo
What I have learned this year:
1) I am not alone. My weight has always felt like a burden I carried on my own. When I began writing my blog, I realized that hoards of people struggled in the same ways I did. People who I would look at and think that they looked perfect, they struggled as much as I did. Whether someone had 200, 100, 20 or 2 pounds to lose, it was a big deal to them. Their journey may be different from mine but the feelings and struggles were often the same. I would never wish issues like this on anyone but it has been comforting knowing I am not alone.
2) I am so much more than the number on the scale. At the end of the day, no one but me ever has to see that number and if I so choose, I never have to see it myself again. It is just that, a number. A measurement of my mass, not my worth. I am a mother, a manager, a wife, a daughter, a sister, a friend. I am funny, smart, sexy, kind, altruistic, sensitive, temperamental and a bit of a bitch sometimes. I am fat and that is okay because it is only one very small part of what makes me, me.
3) I tend to put others before myself. I have read this blog from beginning to end and something really stood out to me, I lost my way in May. What happened in May? Well, we brought a friend into our home who had fallen on tough times. Someone who my husband didn't even know and who is still living with us now. At the time, I did what I thought was right for him but in that impulsive decision, I put what was right for my family and I on the back burner. Having someone living under your roof for 8 monthes is stressful. As he got his life back together again, ours started to fall apart. I am not blaming him at all but it made me see that I made a poor decision. Part of me thinks that taking on that "project" allowed me to stop focusing on my own. Wouldn't be the first time.
4) I am impatient, impulsive and very hedonistic. Those may sound like bad character traits but they are mine. One of the things that I wanted to do through this process was to pick a path and stay the course. White knuckle it through the hard times where I wasn't experiencing success with the end in mind. I wanted to overcome my impatience, impulse control issues and pleasure seeking behaviour but why? Those traits have caused me to take risks, push myself to do better, enjoy life and all of its delights. They are part of what makes my personality the way it is, they are part of why I am successful in many areas of my life, they are part of me. I have grown to kind of dig them.
5) If I don't lose another pound ever, I am going to be OK. I still want to get some of this weight off for many reasons. I am going to continue working on this goal but I am at peace with the idea that I can be large and still be healthy. I have done a lot of research this year about health at any size and realize that my goal has to be HEALTH not THINNESS. I am working on this inch by inch.
That's all I have in me for today. It has been a hell of a week but I will write more in the next day or so. Thank you to everyone for your support and kindness this year. I hope you have learned some things about yourself through this process. xoxoxo
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