To steal a term from my friend Jamie, my blog-cation is over. I took a break from the blog in August as it was time to focus on other things. My family, my relationship and my job. I did so much writing last month for work that I had very little mental energy left to write anything here. I am fighting the cold from hell so I have very little energy to write anything today either but I wanted to let you all know that I am alive and well....ish.
Last month I went to a very cool yoga retreat that was good for my soul. If anyone lives in Toronto and wants to check out yoga classes specifically for plus size men and women, check out www.tiinaveer.com to learn more about "Yoga for Round Bodies". It gave me time to pause and reflect and two things stood out to me:
1) My body is capable of a lot! I was amazed at what I could do and how good it felt to do it.
2) I am truly a confused soul when it comes to taking care of myself. I have all the knowledge in the world yet lack the ability to apply it on a consistent basis. Knowledge is nothing if you don't put it to good use.
When I came back from the retreat I felt inspired to really look at what I need to do for myself and my family. The first thing was I need to nurture my marriage. I take my husband for granted in a big way. The second thing was I need to take care of myself better. Mentally and physically I need to listen to the gentle cues my body is sending. Today is a good example. Yesterday I was so stressed about taking today off work. I have so much to do and I didn't want to let anyone down even though I knew I would be in no shape to go into the office. The stress of sending that email to my boss telling him I wouldn't be in was really plaguing me (even though I knew he would completely understand) so I decided I would be proactive and let him know yesterday that I didn't think I would be in today. As soon as I made the decision and sent the email I felt so much relief and then could focus on taking care of me. Weird example but it is exactly the small acts of self care I need to start doing.
So I have an idea of where I am going to go from here but today is all about resting and getting better. Thanks to everyone for the continual support. I often feel like I have let you all down but I am hoping that my struggles will help some of you feel comforted about your own. Never in a million years when I started this blog did I think the journey and the blog itself would be so tough but I wouldn't change it.......well I might change a few things! I will post again once I am back on my feet.
Love to all!
Tuesday, September 3, 2013
Thursday, August 1, 2013
Path to success....
I saw this on facebook and thought it was super fitting for my blog post today. First an update from the last few weeks. I got back on track July 1st with the plan of following a carb cycling program....3 days low carb followed by one day high carb. I have been playing with it all month to try to hit the sweet spot. I find that a carb up day every 3 days is likely too much for me. It sets me back and more importantly, I don't feel very good afterwards. My knees start aching and my PCOS symptoms come back almost immediately. I truly believe (as much as I wish this wasn't the case) that the way I am supposed to eat is lower carb all of the time. The research shows that for PCOS sufferers, this is the only way they should be eating and if I truly listen to my body, it is the only way I should be eating for sure. The good news is that I am down 10 pounds in July. Granted it is 10 pounds I had put back on but I am moving in the right direction. That makes me down 30 pounds so far and if I can release 10 pounds every month, I will be down 80 pounds by the end of the year. Not 100 but better than a kick in the ass.....which is precisely what I need some days :)
July kinda sucked. It was a month full of stress and strife in all areas of life it seems. Work was crazy busy, home life was stressful, finances were in the toilet. August will be much better, I can feel it. It begins today with my beautiful mother's birthday and then my little bro's birthday is tomorrow:
HAPPY BIRTHDAY GUYS! LOVE YOU!
In a few weeks I have a weekend yoga retreat which I am looking forward to immensely. I need to start taking better care of myself and I think yoga will be a big part of that. I am still very intimidated by classes but I am hoping this retreat will help to build my confidence. People around me are experiencing great success in so many areas that it is very inspiring.
- Krista and Lindsay whom I have mentioned before have reached new weight loss milestones and look amazing.
- My friend Dean has turned into a super athlete and is getting ready to compete in his first IRONMAN!
- My friend Roberta is moving outside of her comfort zone and beginning a new job in a few weeks.
- A new friend Glen, has transformed his health and way of eating after completing a candida cleanse.
- My friends Jamie and Jodie have moved their life to another country on a quest to heal and grow, I think that is so brave.
- Our dear friends Jim, Jane and Jack are living out their dreams of travelling the world and just began a stint in Vietnam.
I am surrounded by people who are kicking ass and taking names. How can I not find hope and strength in that? Which brings me back to the picture I posted up top. Success is not a straight line. We are all on our own path and that path gets tangled up and messy at times. We veer off course but we don't give up, we change our strategy or just recommit to the process. The important thing is that we keep the end goal in mind and continue moving in its direction. Sometimes you have to experience failure so that you know success when it happens. These days, success is much more than just the number on the scale for me. It is feeling my clothes getting looser. It is making food choices that heal my body. It is having a treat and not beating myself over it. It is because of the failures on the scale that I have experienced oh so many times that I can finally appreciate the bigger victories.
So this journey to lose 100 pounds might not be the straight line to success that I envisioned at the beginning of the year but it is still my journey. My tangled, messy, confusing journey that is helping me grow each and every day.
Monday, July 8, 2013
Weekly Update: WOOOOOO HOOOOO!!
HI Everyone,
It is so early and I have been trying to figure out what week I am at, my brain hurts! Last week was July 1st so I know I am now on the downward slope of 2013. I have great news to report though. I am down 8.6 pounds this week! I am super excited about this because I did it in a way that I feel is sustainable and even better, I feel great. I have been in a pattern for the last few months of going up and down. I couldn't settle on a method and even when I went to old faithful (low carb) I wasn't losing. I am so happy this morning, I can't even begin to tell you!
Last week I mentioned that my friend told me to read Chris Powell's book "Choose to lose" (thank you Laura!). I did just that and was inspired. I am not following his program because it is just not realistic for me for a few reasons:
1) Eating 5-6 small meals a day: WHO CAN DO THIS??? I am just not that organized. That said, I spent some time researching this suggestion (which is a common way of eating in the sports nutrition world) and there is no scientific validity to it. There have been a few studies done but they show no difference in weight loss for those people eating the same amount of calories split over 6 meals or 3. PHEW, I can drop that pipe dream!
2) Waking up every morning and doing a crazy routine of exercise: Doing exercise in the morning is a good call but he has 30 different routines in his book. He says they are only 9 minutes long but you have to do a 5 minute warm up then the routine. These routines are complicated and timed. I would spend more time trying to figure out how to do the exercises and which I was supposed to do, than actually exercising. Who has time for that. I am 100 pounds overweight, ANY movement is good for me. It doesn't have to be complicate. So I am just focusing on walking more and going to set my pilates system up again.
3) Even though he doesn't focus on it a lot, this program is a low calorie program. 1200-1500 for women and slightly more for men. No thank you. If I have to pay attention to calories, I am not interested.
What did appeal to me was the concept of carb cycling. He has a whole pile of different options in his book but basically it is combining low carb days with high carb days. His turbo program was 2 low carb days followed by a high carb day (rinse, repeat) and then a reward day on Sunday. On the high carb day you were supposed to basically eat no fat. Not doable for me. I believe that fat is really important. I did take some time to research the whole concept of carb cycling and while there have not been a lot of studies done on it, there are a lot of people out there using this with success. So I put together my own little program and so far so good:
3 days low carb (eat until satisfied of meat and veggies and add in high fat dairy like cheese and cream for flavour. Low carb salad dressing is fine and some nuts/seeds)
1 day high carb ( I ate a protein shake with fruit for breakfast, greek yogurt and another shake for lunch and then whatever I wanted for dinner: last week it was a grilled cheese sandwich and blizzard for dessert! Not the best choice but it was what I was craving).
REPEAT
The high carb day helps to replenish your glycogen stores and keeps your body guessing. Anyone who does low carb can attest that after a while your body becomes really freaking stubborn. I am hoping this cycling method prevents that from happening. Today is my high carb day and I am thinking sushi is in my future. I feel like this is a really easy way to eat. I am satisfied and I am no longer asking "Hmmm can I have that piece of bread" I am asking instead "Is it a low carb day or a high carb day?" Nothing is off limits, it might just be off limits for a couple of days. I can live with that.
It is so early and I have been trying to figure out what week I am at, my brain hurts! Last week was July 1st so I know I am now on the downward slope of 2013. I have great news to report though. I am down 8.6 pounds this week! I am super excited about this because I did it in a way that I feel is sustainable and even better, I feel great. I have been in a pattern for the last few months of going up and down. I couldn't settle on a method and even when I went to old faithful (low carb) I wasn't losing. I am so happy this morning, I can't even begin to tell you!
Last week I mentioned that my friend told me to read Chris Powell's book "Choose to lose" (thank you Laura!). I did just that and was inspired. I am not following his program because it is just not realistic for me for a few reasons:
1) Eating 5-6 small meals a day: WHO CAN DO THIS??? I am just not that organized. That said, I spent some time researching this suggestion (which is a common way of eating in the sports nutrition world) and there is no scientific validity to it. There have been a few studies done but they show no difference in weight loss for those people eating the same amount of calories split over 6 meals or 3. PHEW, I can drop that pipe dream!
2) Waking up every morning and doing a crazy routine of exercise: Doing exercise in the morning is a good call but he has 30 different routines in his book. He says they are only 9 minutes long but you have to do a 5 minute warm up then the routine. These routines are complicated and timed. I would spend more time trying to figure out how to do the exercises and which I was supposed to do, than actually exercising. Who has time for that. I am 100 pounds overweight, ANY movement is good for me. It doesn't have to be complicate. So I am just focusing on walking more and going to set my pilates system up again.
3) Even though he doesn't focus on it a lot, this program is a low calorie program. 1200-1500 for women and slightly more for men. No thank you. If I have to pay attention to calories, I am not interested.
What did appeal to me was the concept of carb cycling. He has a whole pile of different options in his book but basically it is combining low carb days with high carb days. His turbo program was 2 low carb days followed by a high carb day (rinse, repeat) and then a reward day on Sunday. On the high carb day you were supposed to basically eat no fat. Not doable for me. I believe that fat is really important. I did take some time to research the whole concept of carb cycling and while there have not been a lot of studies done on it, there are a lot of people out there using this with success. So I put together my own little program and so far so good:
3 days low carb (eat until satisfied of meat and veggies and add in high fat dairy like cheese and cream for flavour. Low carb salad dressing is fine and some nuts/seeds)
1 day high carb ( I ate a protein shake with fruit for breakfast, greek yogurt and another shake for lunch and then whatever I wanted for dinner: last week it was a grilled cheese sandwich and blizzard for dessert! Not the best choice but it was what I was craving).
REPEAT
The high carb day helps to replenish your glycogen stores and keeps your body guessing. Anyone who does low carb can attest that after a while your body becomes really freaking stubborn. I am hoping this cycling method prevents that from happening. Today is my high carb day and I am thinking sushi is in my future. I feel like this is a really easy way to eat. I am satisfied and I am no longer asking "Hmmm can I have that piece of bread" I am asking instead "Is it a low carb day or a high carb day?" Nothing is off limits, it might just be off limits for a couple of days. I can live with that.
Monday, July 1, 2013
Half way there and nowhere near....
Well today is the half way point of my journey to lose 100 pounds in 2013 and what a journey it has been. Those of my readers who don't struggle with their weight might have a hard time understanding my ups and downs, I am sure it is frusterating for some. It seems so easy....JUST EAT LESS AND MOVE MORE but I wish it were that simple. Many of the people following my blog are on their own weight loss journey and are having varying amounts of success. Some are kicking ass and I am so happy for them. Others are still trying to find their place, like me, and seem to be dealing with more failures than success. Then there are those who have given up completely. No judgement here, I have felt like doing that many times.
Today is July 1st and it is half way through the year. There are 6 monthes ahead where we can change our lives for the better. This is a call to action to everyone to put all of the past bullshit behind them and start fresh today. I know I am. Here is what I have learned from the first 6 monthes of 2013:
1) This blog is one of the hardest things I have ever done. Being so transparent leaves you feeling a bit vulnerable but it is also very liberating. Exposing your "secrets" to the world helps you to see that you are not alone and you are not all f*&ked up (or any more f*&ked up than anyone else). Secrets hold so much power over us and just releasing them lightens your load. If you are carrying something around that causes you shame, tell someone. Tell someone or tell everyone. You will be surprised that it might not be that big of a deal afterall.
2) I NEED structure and a program to follow. The last few monthes I have been doing things myself. I have been trying to listen to my body and feed it appropriately. I am not there yet. CONFESSION TIME: as of this morning I have put back on half of the weight I lost earlier in the year. So I am starting today with a net loss of 17 pounds. I am so disappointed in myself but I am leaving that behind today and starting fresh. I can do this, I know I can.
3) Even though I need a plan, Weight Watchers still isn't it. I don't look at foods as points values and don't really think I should be anyway. Jon is still going and that is fine, if it works for him I am happy for him. It is a great program for some people, just not for me.
4) I do not deal with chaos and change well. This year has been one of a lot of changes for me and my family. New city, new lifestyle with a baby, new financial situation with Jon staying home with Aidan. Work is good but crazy busy. We have a friend crashing with us while he gets back on his feet. Just a lot of stuff going on. When things get like this, I find it far too easy to put my goals and needs on the back burner. It is even easier to fall back into old habits like eating take out and drinking coffee for lunch instead of a meal. Life is all about change and I need to learn how to go with the flow but not allow that flow to take me too far off course. This is something I am very aware of.
All that said, I am feeling very happy and excited today about what the future holds. A few weeks ago I was at the spa and my friend had mentioned a book to me by Chris Powell (the extreme makeover weight loss edition cutie patootie!). I picked it up and read it from cover to cover. It is great for some people but not realistic for most I think. Just far too complicated but some of the key concepts were intriguing. So I have put something together that I am going to try for this next week and will report back next monday with the results. It may need some tweaking and I am doing some research to make sure that it is based on good science but I feel like this just might work!
So start fresh today. Renew your goals and your commitment to reaching them. A lot can happen in 6 monthes! I may not lose my 100 pounds but I know I can get close and what I have gained by the journey is much more important. Thanks for all of the support guys, you are amazing!
Today is July 1st and it is half way through the year. There are 6 monthes ahead where we can change our lives for the better. This is a call to action to everyone to put all of the past bullshit behind them and start fresh today. I know I am. Here is what I have learned from the first 6 monthes of 2013:
1) This blog is one of the hardest things I have ever done. Being so transparent leaves you feeling a bit vulnerable but it is also very liberating. Exposing your "secrets" to the world helps you to see that you are not alone and you are not all f*&ked up (or any more f*&ked up than anyone else). Secrets hold so much power over us and just releasing them lightens your load. If you are carrying something around that causes you shame, tell someone. Tell someone or tell everyone. You will be surprised that it might not be that big of a deal afterall.
2) I NEED structure and a program to follow. The last few monthes I have been doing things myself. I have been trying to listen to my body and feed it appropriately. I am not there yet. CONFESSION TIME: as of this morning I have put back on half of the weight I lost earlier in the year. So I am starting today with a net loss of 17 pounds. I am so disappointed in myself but I am leaving that behind today and starting fresh. I can do this, I know I can.
3) Even though I need a plan, Weight Watchers still isn't it. I don't look at foods as points values and don't really think I should be anyway. Jon is still going and that is fine, if it works for him I am happy for him. It is a great program for some people, just not for me.
4) I do not deal with chaos and change well. This year has been one of a lot of changes for me and my family. New city, new lifestyle with a baby, new financial situation with Jon staying home with Aidan. Work is good but crazy busy. We have a friend crashing with us while he gets back on his feet. Just a lot of stuff going on. When things get like this, I find it far too easy to put my goals and needs on the back burner. It is even easier to fall back into old habits like eating take out and drinking coffee for lunch instead of a meal. Life is all about change and I need to learn how to go with the flow but not allow that flow to take me too far off course. This is something I am very aware of.
All that said, I am feeling very happy and excited today about what the future holds. A few weeks ago I was at the spa and my friend had mentioned a book to me by Chris Powell (the extreme makeover weight loss edition cutie patootie!). I picked it up and read it from cover to cover. It is great for some people but not realistic for most I think. Just far too complicated but some of the key concepts were intriguing. So I have put something together that I am going to try for this next week and will report back next monday with the results. It may need some tweaking and I am doing some research to make sure that it is based on good science but I feel like this just might work!
So start fresh today. Renew your goals and your commitment to reaching them. A lot can happen in 6 monthes! I may not lose my 100 pounds but I know I can get close and what I have gained by the journey is much more important. Thanks for all of the support guys, you are amazing!
HAPPY CANADA DAY! Update to follow
This picture was taken a year ago today. My little guy was celebrating his first Canada Day and his 5 month birthday. I was half way through my maternity leave and loving every minute. I was about 10 pounds lighter than I am today (damn I miss breastfeeding! BEST WEIGHT LOSS PLAN EVER!). It was all good. Fast forward to today and my little man is 17 monthes old. So hard to believe. Time passes so quickly.
Happy Birthday Canada! I feel best to be born in what I consider to be the best country in the world. Granted I am sure most people feel that way about their country but today and always I feel proud to be Canadian. So humm the national anthem, drink some Canadian beer and if you are my neighbours, finish your fireworks by 11 PM. Enjoy your Canada Day everyone!
Thursday, June 20, 2013
Weekly Update: 1 down 29 to go!
Well this has been an interesting week. I wish that the "1 down" in my title was related to pounds on the scale but no, I am referring to 1 week closer to January 1st, 2014. Our scale has been acting wonky so we bought a new one last night. According to that scale I am the same as I was a week ago. Different scale can weigh a little bit differently but I am going to take it at it's word. That's OK, one of my goals this month is to not dictate my success by the number on the scale. I am still 1/4 of the way to my goal and that will have to be good enough for now.
This week has been one of the most stressful that I can remember. Work is nuts, I am taking a few days off next week so trying to get everything set for that. I am drinking coffee like it is no one's business so I know my adrenals are shot. Jon and I need this little break away (with Aidan of course). On the health front, besides the stress, I am feeling pretty good. My clothes definitely feel looser and my digestive system is healing itself. I have been going to my Naturopath and that was our first goal, heal your digestive tract. Part of that process was colonics and I had my second one last night. I am going to post about them on the weekend because I know people will be curious. The main thing that I released was Candida yeast.....LOTS of it. Almost in an instant I have been able to get my carb cravings under control. As someone who has dealt with Candida for as long as I can remember, this was always one of my biggest issues. That NEED for sugar or starch (that is what the little yeasties feed on and they are pushy bastards). After the first colonic, that basically went away. Even if my body is being really resistant to dropping the pounds on the scale, I know that dealing with the candida is a huge step towards dealing with the weight once and for all. More on my colonics in the next few days.
Jon, the baby and I are going to the states for a couple of days to do some shopping. I have been putting it off because of the weight loss but I can't put it off anymore. My body is taking some time to catch up and I want to feel good in this body of mine regardless. Nice fitting clothes are part of that. Little Aidan is growing like a weed so he needs some new things as well. Jon is back on track with weight watchers. I have had moments of regret for quitting but I feel like it was the right decision. Weight Watchers for me is a path to weight loss, I need to be on a path to wellness. I am on that path but man is it rocky!
This week has been one of the most stressful that I can remember. Work is nuts, I am taking a few days off next week so trying to get everything set for that. I am drinking coffee like it is no one's business so I know my adrenals are shot. Jon and I need this little break away (with Aidan of course). On the health front, besides the stress, I am feeling pretty good. My clothes definitely feel looser and my digestive system is healing itself. I have been going to my Naturopath and that was our first goal, heal your digestive tract. Part of that process was colonics and I had my second one last night. I am going to post about them on the weekend because I know people will be curious. The main thing that I released was Candida yeast.....LOTS of it. Almost in an instant I have been able to get my carb cravings under control. As someone who has dealt with Candida for as long as I can remember, this was always one of my biggest issues. That NEED for sugar or starch (that is what the little yeasties feed on and they are pushy bastards). After the first colonic, that basically went away. Even if my body is being really resistant to dropping the pounds on the scale, I know that dealing with the candida is a huge step towards dealing with the weight once and for all. More on my colonics in the next few days.
Jon, the baby and I are going to the states for a couple of days to do some shopping. I have been putting it off because of the weight loss but I can't put it off anymore. My body is taking some time to catch up and I want to feel good in this body of mine regardless. Nice fitting clothes are part of that. Little Aidan is growing like a weed so he needs some new things as well. Jon is back on track with weight watchers. I have had moments of regret for quitting but I feel like it was the right decision. Weight Watchers for me is a path to weight loss, I need to be on a path to wellness. I am on that path but man is it rocky!
Wednesday, June 12, 2013
New Start!
HI Everyone,
As you may have noticed I have been MIA for a few weeks. Part of that is because things are so crazy busy right now that I have nothing in me left to write when I get home. A larger part of that is that I have been feeling a little discouraged. I have been really struggling with plugging into my psych and making choices that honour my body. I get so caught up in the moment and go with what feels good instead of what feels right. The end result? A month has passed and I am heavier than I was and more miserable. That changes today.
Today is exactly 30 weeks until January 1st, 2014. When I figured that out, I got excited! A whole lot can happen in 30 weeks and a whole lot IS going to happen in the next 30. As of this morning I am still 1/4 of the way to my goal of losing 100 pounds in 2013. That is better than a punch in the junk!
I am seeing a great Naturopathic Doctor and together we are working on some of my health issues. She has prescribed an eating plan that is grain-free, low dairy, high protein and veg. I am going to take it meal by meal and try to eat this way most of the time. I need to cut back a bit on my coffee intake which has been steadily increasing but I am not giving it up. I enjoy it too much!
I am also getting back to writing and rewriting my goals every day. This was so important in the beginning to keep me motivated and my eye on the prize. Here are my goals for the next 30 days:
My little reason for being and doing better. YOU CAN DO IT MOMMY!!
As you may have noticed I have been MIA for a few weeks. Part of that is because things are so crazy busy right now that I have nothing in me left to write when I get home. A larger part of that is that I have been feeling a little discouraged. I have been really struggling with plugging into my psych and making choices that honour my body. I get so caught up in the moment and go with what feels good instead of what feels right. The end result? A month has passed and I am heavier than I was and more miserable. That changes today.
Today is exactly 30 weeks until January 1st, 2014. When I figured that out, I got excited! A whole lot can happen in 30 weeks and a whole lot IS going to happen in the next 30. As of this morning I am still 1/4 of the way to my goal of losing 100 pounds in 2013. That is better than a punch in the junk!
I am seeing a great Naturopathic Doctor and together we are working on some of my health issues. She has prescribed an eating plan that is grain-free, low dairy, high protein and veg. I am going to take it meal by meal and try to eat this way most of the time. I need to cut back a bit on my coffee intake which has been steadily increasing but I am not giving it up. I enjoy it too much!
I am also getting back to writing and rewriting my goals every day. This was so important in the beginning to keep me motivated and my eye on the prize. Here are my goals for the next 30 days:
- I nourish my body with food that helps to repair and heal my health
- I drink 3 litres of pure water daily to replenish and rehydrate my body
- I take my supplements consistently and pay attention to the changes that are occurring within my body
- I move my body everyday and get outside to enjoy the sunshine
- I judge the success of my journey but how I feel, not by what the scale says
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