IE Principle 2: Honor Your Hunger

I have a few days of trying to be more in tune with my eating under my belt. I have unsubscribed to all of my weight loss newsletters/blogs and I am trying to figure out what to do with all of my weight loss books. I am still unsure about cancelling my Weight Watchers membership, it feels like a big step that I might not be quite ready to make. I am working on “rejecting the diet mentality” but it is so deeply engrained that I know it will take some time. I also know that until I do, I will never be able to fully embrace intuitive eating. Today I am going to begin looking at the 2^nd principle of intuitive eating:

Honor Your Hunger

This principle is all about the importance of keeping your body fed so you don’t trigger that primal drive to over-eat. Once we reach that point of being famished, all good intentions go out the window. You just want to eat and you will eat anything you can get your hands on. The intention of eating moderately or consciously became a distant memory. It is all about listening to your body and knowing its signals so that you never reach that point of excessive hunger.

I have a weird history with hunger. When I was a teenager someone told me to embrace the feeling of hunger because when my stomach was rumbling that meant my body had to use fat to survive. I took this nugget of info and ran with it. I loved when I felt that way however I could only hold onto the feeling for so long before I cracked. This was the beginning of my binging episodes. I would starve myself all day and then binge at night. I also just kept getting bigger and bigger. During my first year of university I realized that this disordered eating so I worked at fixing it and my weight started to move in a more positive direction. Unfortunately I became almost panicked when I would feel hungry so for years I never allowed myself to get to that point because it was uncomfortable for me.

 Two extremes, neither good.

Now I can live with the feelings of hunger (I am hungry right now!) but I don’t really trust my body and mind to decipher between true hunger and emotional hunger. This will take some time. I have been trying to become more aware of what those signals are and what some of my habits are. For example, often when I am hungry I have a cup of coffee. It fills me up, perks me up and I love the taste. This week instead of reaching for that quick fix, I have been asking “What does my body need right now?” usually it is some water and a few almonds or a piece of fruit.  If the answer is “A coffee” then so be it, but at least I took the moment to reflect on the situation.

This is also about not always eating to the clock. Just because it is noon, doesn’t mean you have to eat lunch. Similarly, just because it is 3pm doesn’t mean you can’t have dinner (call me Grandma!). It is about eating when you are hungry to fuel your body. Not because the clock tells you to, not because there is food there so you might as well, not because you are bored. You eat because you are hungry and you never allow yourself to get so hungry that you lose control. Hmmmm sounds doable right? Time will tell!

IE Principle 1: Reject the diet mentality

I am a very blessed woman. After my update yesterday I had an outpouring of messages from friends and family telling me to keep fighting the fight. Others reached out to let me know that they are experiencing the same things in their own weight loss journey. While I wouldn’t ever wish this struggle on anyone, it was so comforting to know I am not alone. I want to assure you all that I am not giving up, I am just examining my options. I feel like I am on the wrong path and it is time for a course correction. The issue lies in that I am not sure what my path should be. It will take some time but I am committed to figuring that out.

The other day I mentioned the concept of Intuitive Eating, for some reason this is really resonating with me. It consists of 10 principles that I want to examine more in depth beginning today with principle 1.    If you want to check out the website it is: www.intuitiveeating.org  

Intuitive Eating Principle 1: Reject the Diet Mentality

The basic premise of this principle is that you have to dismiss and dispose of all books, articles, magazines and websites that you have access to on the topic of weight loss. I have a freaking library….no word of a lie! Many of these books have never been read and many have been read over and over again. I call it my library of dreams. What the people behind these principles say is that these tools are lies and it is time we get angry at all of the lies and misinformation we have been fed. Every new twist, every new gimmick, every new diet is just another way to prey on people desperate to lose weight. This is a big business and for good reason, we keep buying what is being sold.

This is the first principle because if you even allow one small hope linger that a new and better diet might be around the corner, you have no chance of truly discovering intuitive eating. Holding onto the dream of the quick fix simply makes learning to eat this way impossible. I get it, I really do but my god does it scare me! My whole life has been centered around my weight. I am a professional nutritionist AND a professional dieter….how messed up is that?  The hope that the next thing I try will be the miracle is what keeps me fighting the fight. If I ever stopped searching I always feared that would mean I was giving up. This is not me giving up.  This is me giving up on the false promises, this is me no longer buying the bullshit that so called “experts” are selling, this is me looking internally for the answers rather than externally for the solution but this is NOT me giving up on being a slimmer, healthier woman.

This is going to take some work.  There will be white knuckling for sure. I will have to unsubscribe from numerous blogs/newsletters I get. I will have to get rid of my books (book burning anyone?) because I don’t want to pass this poison onto anyone else. I will have to stop looking at the magazines at the grocery store checkout (go screw yourself “First for Women”).  This might be extra difficult for me because I work in an industry where weight loss is a big part of it. Nutrition is my livelihood and my passion. I just have refocus my energy from researching all things weight loss to all things health. Ultimately I will have to quit Weight Watchers to forge the path on my own but I am not there yet.  I still feel that glimmer of the “next big thing” in the back of my mind. Like I said, this is going to take some work but I am not afraid of a little hard work.

Week 17 Update: Up and down, round and round.

What a ride this is! I am up 1.4 pounds this week. I am not surprised to be honest. My body loves to stay at the weight it is at. People have certain set-points where the body is comfortable and unfortunately, this is one of mine. Add onto that the fact that I was not very good last week and I am counting my blessings that I am not up more.

I am struggling. Really struggling with this program. Well not the program itself, I am struggling with being ON a program. The last post about tweaking things really opened my eyes to a few facts and I have felt a sense of uneasiness since. The fact of the matter is, obesity is a disease I am going to have to manage for the rest of my life. I am NOT managing it by doing all of the extreme things I do. Being lax all week in my eating and then low carbing on the weekend in time for the weigh-in on monday, I am not winning the war with behaviours like that. Who am I fooling? Maybe the lady weighing me in at Weight Watchers but what does she care? I weigh in, feel a moment of truimph or defeat and then it is back to the same pattern again. It is like a carnival game that you keep playing even though the odds of winning are slim to none.

What I ultimately want is to eat like a "normal" person. So I googled "Eating like a normal person" and I came across the concept of Intuitive Eating. This both resonated with me and scared the shit out of me. I don't trust myself enough to just simply listen to my body. I don't trust my body enough to tell me the truth. This intuitive eating concept is not new but it is new to me. There are 10 principles and if you will indulge me, I am going to blog my way through them over the next few weeks. Something needs to change because what I have done for the last 25 years of my life has not worked.
I want off of this weight loss roller coaster because  if I don't get off soon, it will make me sick.

TWEAKING OUT!

One of the promises that I made to myself when I started this journey almost 4 month's ago is that I would stay the course. I wouldn't get impatient and start playing with the program. I wouldn't "tweak" things all the time. Well this last month I have been tweaking out....tweaking out BIG time.

When I talk about tweaking things I am talking about making small changes in hopes that they will lead to big results. All they usually do is distract me and take me off course. They also lead to a lot of disappointment when the result is not what I wished for. Why do I do it then? Well, I am not quite sure to be honest. A big part of it is my impatience and boredom with the mundane. Following a "diet" gets bland. It gets tedious. This is why most people only last on a diet for a short period of time. The long term payoff is rarely as rewarding as the short term temptation. Another reason why I tweak things is to make it my "own" program. Something I played a part in creating. This goes back to my desire to be the fat nutritionist who fixes her problems, writes a New York Times best-seller and helps millions of people get healthy. Pipe dream? Perhaps but it is my pipe dream.

So when this impatience or my delusions of grandeur take over, I start making little changes. Here are the tweaks I have done so far since I started Weight Watchers on January 1st, 2013:

1. Gluten-free
2. Gluten-free and low carb
3. Low carb after noon each day
4. Bullet-proof coffee (this is basically coconut blended into your coffee instead of cream) for breakfast instead of a meal
5. 3 Day juice fast

These are the tweaks I have considered but not jumped on (yet):

1. Replacing 2 meals per day with a Vegan shake
2. 21 day raw food cleanse
3. Dairy Free
4. Intermittent fasting (meaning I only eat between noon and 7pm each day)
5. 100% sugar free

This list is quite embarrassing to be honest because I know the answer to my weight loss success doesn't lie in any of these tweaks. It doesn't even lie in Weight Watchers. The weight will come off for good when I start honouring my body by feeding it healthy foods and being happy. I am a NUTRITIONIST for f#$k sake. I know better, I just struggle with doing better. I am way off course but I am aware of it and I think that is half the battle. Time to start honouring my body, honouring my mind and honouring my commitment to myself. I need to get a hold of myself and stop tweaking out.

Week 16 Update: I'm Baaaaaaaack!

Wow what a busy time the last few weeks have been. I decided to take a little break from the blog and Facebook so that I could give my 100% attention to some other things in my life. My intended one week off has turned into almost 3 but I am back and I am feeling recharged. Thanks for all of you that have reached out to me, I am doing great! Just honoring the need to unplug from it all from time to time.

First off, let me share my weigh-in results: Since my last post I have lost 3.6 pounds and have FINALLY broken the 30 pound mark (down 31.1 pounds to be exact). I didn’t make my April 1^st goal but I did reach it during April so that is a success in my books. Another success was an uneventful flight to and from Vancouver. I did not feel any more uncomfortable than the average person and did not require a seatbelt extender. I wasted so much energy worrying about that trip and I am certain when I say that this was the last time that flying will be so stressful for this girl.

In other modes of transportation, we bought a new vehicle. Our Buick was going to be requiring a new steering system, tires and transmission so it was time to retire that ride. While initially very reluctant to the idea, we ended up buying a Dodge Grand Caravan. That’s right folks…a minivan! I didn’t see that coming but you can’t beat the practicality. Parenthood can sure increase your lameness quotient. That said; I am digging my “Loser Cruiser” as my BFF so kindly called it.  She’s just jealous! J

Another very positive change that April has brought about is that Jon and I are getting along much better. I think taking a step back from all the pressure I was putting on myself has given me the energy to put into my marriage. We are a work in progress but the atmosphere in our home is so much lighter and more relaxed. If you read this babe, I love you and am thankful for everything you do and everything you are to our little family. We are all very blessed.

On the diet front, I have been all over the map. Some days are good, others are bad. My resolve to not “tweak” the program is long gone and I am trying all sorts of things from “bullet-proof” coffee to juice fasts. I know I know TRUST ME, I KNOW! That is the subject of my next blog post.

Big hugs to you all! I have a lot of catching up to do so if I missed a Facebook post, I apologize. I should be all caught up soon.  

 

Week 14 Update: Losing steam and not much else.....

I am coming to dread Monday mornings....I feel like I have lost my weight loss mojo. There is so much going on these days at home and at work that I am once again falling off my own radar. When I didn't reach my 30 pound goal last week it took the wind right out of my sails. It made me start doubting myself and this whole process. Typical Louise, folding at the first sign of failure. This week I was down on the scale a whole 0.1 pounds, not surprising after the week of self-pity and indulgence I had.

I have my trip to Vancouver this week and will be glad once that is over. I am looking forward to the trade show and seeing all of my co-workers. I am not looking forward to the flight and the pain of being on my feet all day. Trade shows are punishing on a body like mine. I am recommitting to the process and myself once I get back. Back to tracking my food, back to walking, back to reaffirming my goals and back to blogging. So I am signing off for a week or so but I will be back and I will be back with a new energy. Thanks for the support and keep up the great work to all my friends on this journey with me.

Week 13 Update: Happy Birthday to ME :)

Good old Monday mornings. This morning was one of mixed emotions for me. Excitement because it is my birthday and we have a new graphic designer starting at work today. Fear because it was my weigh-in and my 3 month progress point. I had set the goal of being down 30 pounds by my birthday and as of last week, was 1.1 pounds away. Sadly, I actually gained 1.6 pounds this week so didn't reach my goal. I am very disappointed but am going to shake it off.

I have been learning so much from this process and do feel like this time it is going to happen once and for all. I have to embrace all of the ups and downs and that is what I am trying to do. It is hard not to be too hard on myself, that is my nature. I didn't reach this goal but I will (and very soon).

I am going to re-focus and set a stretch goal of being down 40 pounds by May 1st. I have been a little too relaxed with my eating and exercising (or lack thereof) lately.  I thrive under pressure so hopefully this will get me back on track. What I do know for sure is that this time next year when I turn 38 years old, I will be a whole new chick. Same person on the inside with a more vibrant and healthier body on the outside.

So Happy Birthday old girl, you aren't perfect but you are doing your best! Keep up the good work :)