BBW

You know those creepy facebook ads that appear at the side of your page? The ones that seemed to be directed at you? One popped up on my newfeed last night for "bbwdatefinder" and that got me thinking. This post will enlighten a lot of people who knew nothing about the BBW subculture and may piss off some people who are deeply engrossed in it. This post is just my viewpoint and other people may have a completely different experience. It might take a few posts to cover. We shall see where the writing goes tonight....

I first heard the term BBW when I was in my first year of University. I was out at a bar with some friends when the very cute bartender said to me "I like women like you" to which I replied "Good tippers????" being my normal smart ass self. He said "No I like BBWs". I must have looked puzzled because he continued "Big Beautiful Women". This was a new one for me. I took stock of the situation. Am I big? CHECK! Beautiful? I like to think so. Woman? Hear me roar baby! But regardless of this guys looks and charm I felt uneasy; like I might end up in his freezer so I hightailed it out of there. That said, those 3 little letters kept popping into my mind so the next day I hopped onto a library computer and searched Netscape (Yes I am old) for BBW. I was shocked by what I found. It was like a whole new world that I never knew existed. There were dating sites, clothing sites, porn sites, magazines, forums, chat rooms and so forth, all dedicated to Big Beautiful Women and the men that admired them. Of course I was mortified to be seen looking at this stuff in a public place so I kind of pushed it out of my mind and went on with life until that summer.

I ended up coming home for the summer and had lots of time on my hands. I was doing a summer course so spent lots of time on my parents computer "studying" but I was usually on MIRC (an old chat program that may or may not still be around). I had noticed while searching through the hundreds of forums and chat rooms that there were dozens of BBW chats. One in particular caught my eye, bbwontario. I started going on nightly and meeting lots of women and men from all across the province. I was a young, naive 20 year old girl and was not used to being praised and hit on constantly. It was addicting. Of course, I had dated before but this attention was almost intoxicating. Talk about a boost to the ego. I started walking, talking and carrying myself differently. In the "real" world, men were checking me out much more or perhaps I was just noticing them noticing me. I met some friends on there that I am actually friends with to this day. By the end of the summer, I was deeply involved with someone I had met in this chat room and we dated for 5 years on and off. He loved me for me and I felt completely accepted by him. He wasn't what I would call a "chubby chaser", he liked all women. He was a little on the heavier side himself so he gravitated towards bigger girls because it was more comfortable for him as well. Was it the best relationship? NOPE but it taught me a lot for sure.

Once that relationship ended, I was living in Toronto and wanting to really enjoy my single life and I did. I dated a lot in my mid twenties and never had issues meeting men. I had heard that there was a bbw club in Toronto that held get togethers monthly at a pub. I decided to check it out and was happy to find quite a few of the people I met online were there. I went a handful of times and I dabbled a bit in online dating. I had good experiences and I had bad but the more I experienced, the more the "BBW lifestyle" didn't sit well with me. Now I have friends who are still going to those clubs 10 years later and I hold no judgement. Thier outlook is different then mine. Obviously it is an enjoyable experience for them. For me, whether online or at these get togethers I started noticing things that I just couldn't look past:

1. The woman far outnumbered the men at these get-togethers so people were competitive and catty. I found I never left feeling as good as when I arrived because the atmosphere to me felt a bit nasty at times. Alcohol never helps in these situations.
2. The community was so small that it almost felt incestuous. It would be hard to meet a man that hadn't dated or hooked up with at least one other woman in the group.
3. I found the men fell into 3 groups: The ones who genuinely preferred big women (sometimes to the point of it being a fetish), the ones who were bigger themselves so felt more comfortable with a plus sized woman and the misogynist jerks who thought that big girls were easy.

 I personally like all types of men, variety is the spice of life and I found that I much preferred the company of men who like ALL women. Connoisseurs if you will. While it is nice to know your partner is attracted to your tummy or thick thighs, it is much nicer to know that they are attracted to you as a whole. I found meeting men under "normal" circumstances, to be much more satisfying and validating as a woman. Nothing is better than being asked out for a drink out of the blue because someone loves your sense of humour or eyes or better yet, both. I think the whole BBW world opened my eyes and did give me a boost to my confidence at an age when most women could use one. I had fun, met a lot of interesting people and I learned some very valuable lessons. I also learned that it wasn't for me. For those women who find it empowering, good on you. It just wasn't a fit for me.
All that said, tomorrow I will post about how I met my husband in a roundabout way because of the bbw community and also about my friend who has reinvented the BBW label into something I am all for. Now I wonder how many of you are going to open a new window and google "BBW"? Be forewarned there is a lot of trash out there and it isn't always beautiful! Don't say I didn't tell you :)