What's LOVE got to do with it?

This has been a tough week. I have felt raw, cranky, off course and just a little overwhelmed. Work has been insanely busy, my house looks like a tornado hit it and I haven't been doing all the things I promised myself I would do. Oddly enough, the one thing that is still on track is my eating. Everything else (drinking my water, writing my goals, walking each day) has been falling to the wayside. With Valentine's Day coming up I figured I should write about all of the things I love to put myself in a more positive mindset and like most of my writing, it showed me something. Below is the post I started on Wednesday in bold, my observations will follow:

Well tomorrow is Valentines Day (VD for short, fitting no?), the holiday of panicked last minute purchases and shattered expectations. I told Jon to skip all the flowers and chocolate this year and just get me a visit from the wildlife control dude. Removal of the creature under my house is the ultimate turn-on, I find it's scratching so unsexy. It is Wednesday night and the creature or creatures are still there but at least Jon made the call. Not shattered expectations, just lowered! Can you tell I am not in a loving mood today?? I need to get into a better frame of mind so I decided that in honour of VD (the holiday not the STD), I would make a list of all the things I love. Jon, Aidan, my family and friends....all those things are given, I am going to focus on the little things that bring me joy (outside of the obvious).

• The Water: river, lake, ocean, even a pool. I am drawn to it and it brings me peace.
• Laughing and making other people laugh.
• Singing along to the radio while driving.
• Dining in nice restaurants.
• Going to the movies.
• The smell of wood burning.
• Sitting outside in the fresh air.
• Sushi.
• Smelling my husband (who always smells good and never touches cologne).
• Attention, I like all kinds of attention from a pat on the back for doing a good job to an admiring glance or wave from the man in the car next to me. I am a bit of an attention ho.
• Writing my blog and everything I write for work. I feel so satisfied when it all comes together.
• Going to the spa. Nothing better than a facial to make you feel great.
• Travelling and planning trips, I love researching and then exploring a new place.
• Intimacy whether it is a chat with a friend over coffee or a roll in the hay with my husband. I love that connection you feel when you share with another person.
• First pulling into my parents driveway when I go home for a visit.
• A salad when someone else makes it (especially if it contains fruit and cheese).
• Being appreciated. I would pick verbal acknowledgement over money anyday (however the money is great too!)
• Income tax time, even if I have to pay I really like pulling everything together and getting a snapshot of our finances.
• Drinking my morning cup of coffee in the rocker in Aidan's room. He is at his happiest in the morning so it is a great way to start my day.
• Shoppers Drug Mart and their optimum points....20X the points days are such a treat!
• Opening the mail even though most of it is bills or junk.
• Spring and Fall because heat and extreme cold tick me off.
• Making people happy, especially the people I love.

That is as far as I got because when I went back and started re-reading what I wrote I was struck by an observation. So many of these things that I LOVE, I rarely do. I have always lived near water but I can't remember the last time I went to the lake. We have TWO wood burning fireplaces in our new home but have yet to build a fire. We had a lovely back deck at our old home but never really sat out to enjoy the fresh air. Even when we rent a cottage and  I could kill 3 birds with one stone (water, fresh air, burning wood) I spend a lot of time indoors. I don't get together with friends or shag my hubby nearly enough (Sorry Jon, TMI!). I never put fruit and cheese in the salads I make at home. We rarely travel even though we can afford to. What the hell man? All these things are so simple and so within my control yet I don't do them. Is it laziness or I am just not in the habit of doing them so I don't? Do I not beleive I deserve happiness so deny myself these simple pleasures? Maybe it is some deep subconscious thing? Who knows why I do the things I do and at the end of the day, I don't really care.

I need more joy in my life so I am going to start doing these things and I am going to do them with my family whether they like it or not! Sorry Jon, more nookie for you. Sorry Aidan, we are going to walk by the lake today. Sorry Mom and Dad, I am coming to visit more often. Sorry government, I am filing my income taxes promptly and correctly this year.  Sorry mother in law, I want pears and blue cheese in that salad dammit! Sorry readers, I got a little carried away there (told you I was cranky). Bottom line, I am going to be happier by doing things that make me happy because if I am happy then everyone around me is happy. Funny how that works.