Well it's 3:53 AM and I can't sleep. I am one of those people who lie awake thinking about things when something is on my mind. So rather than analyze things to death by myself, I figure why not blog about it?
I am a pretty sensitive person by nature. I get over things quickly but at the time I feel things intensely. In fact when I am upset, worried, angry or any number of emotions, I feel it physically. I get this feeling of a knot in my stomach. It is like a physical reminder that something is bothering me even if when I am not actually thinking about it in that exact moment. In the past I would eat and that sensation in my stomach would be replaced by a more familiar and comforting one. I can't reach for food so here I am reaching for my keyboard in hopes that it has a similar effect.
So here's the situation without getting into too much detail. A friend of mine is going through one of those big events in their life. I like to think I played a little part in making it happen and I couldn't be happier for them. I found out that they are having a few get-togethers to celebrate and I wasn't invited. Normally this wouldn't really faze me, in fact I am not a big fan of these shindigs so I would likely just send a gift and my best wishes, but this time I feel really hurt. I don't know why I wasn't included and I have no control over it so rather than worry about that I am trying to figure out WHY it is affecting me so much and what to do with it.
I have a few theories. First, it is that time of the month so I am irrationally emotional. I am cleansing my liver which can actually stir up emotions, especially anger. I desperately want people to like me and when that comes into question I breakdown. I see a lot of myself in this person and maybe thought we were closer than we are so I am disappointed. These are all good theories and maybe have a grain of truth but if I was to really dig deep I think the issue is FOOD.
I feel raw. I feel that knot in my stomach. I feel like I want to comfort myself and I can't....rather I won't. Not the way I am used to doing it. I can't allow myself to reach for food when I am feeling this way, even healthy food. The whole point of this journey is to learn new ways to cope. THIS is helping actually, writing about it is bringing me down a few pegs. I feel childish that I am being such a sensitive Sally but it is how I am feeling and I have to honour it. Asking the person themselves WHY is not an option and at the end of the day I don't think the answer really matters anyways. I am trying to remember the quote I posted the other day about "What other people think of me is none of my business".
This is a test and my opportunity to develop some new coping techniques. So I am curious, what do you do to deal with emotions like this? How do you bring yourself back down when emotions are running high? Any tips are highly appreciated!
I can relate Louise, your description of yourself could have been of me. A few different coping mechanisms work for me. I write an email or letter to that person to flush out my feelings and deal with being unable to discuss it with them personally. I never send it but keep it until I can read it with little to no reaction. You are right not to ask them 'why' - you are not in control of others decisions, reactions, responses or actions. From there I use positive self talk - it sounds silly but over time it works. The more I use it the faster and easier it becomes to 'recover' from perceived slights. Remind yourself others actions are not definitive of your character and who you are. 'Sensitive' is not a dirty word btw, it can be a valuable trait. And start meditating, preferably guided or as part of a yoga class. You are learning new ways of dealing with issues other then smothering feelings with food. You need clarity and mental strength to do this to become stronger.
ReplyDeleteThank you for your wise words! I have tried meditating and I want to do it more but my question for you is, how do you quiet your brain? I can't seem to just be in the moment without my mind wandering :)
ReplyDeleteIt is all about practice, and not judging yourself for wandering off. What helps me is to engage my senses. What are the sounds around me? I can hear the cars go by outside my apartment, my refrigerator is making noises, I can hear birds in the distance... I look around the room, notice how the light hits the wall and ceiling, the sky outside my window, the shadows my furniture are casting on the walls... I focus on smell, the perfume I am wearing, detecting the faint aroma of the candle I had burning the night before, the light scent of laundry... When my body wanders off I put my hand on the wall and, well, pet it lol Touching the wall brings me back into now.
DeleteAnother thing I love doing is visualization and active imagery, here are three exercises, I love the one of grounding and use it often.
http://canadiansomaticcenter.com/category/guided_imagery_exercises
PS: I can so relate with your post above!! And thank you for all the info about the detox, very interesting and I think I am going to try it. Thanks for sharing :D
Finally got to read your blog, Louise! Sooo proud of you and I love the way you write (just don't tell Jim!) :) I am wishing you all the best and I know you can do it, you are one tough cookie. Regarding this entry, meditation is really amazing. We were told that the key is to make yourself do it every day at the same time in the same place. Sit comfortable so you don't get pins and needles and, yes, your mind is like a monkey, jumping up and down and can't settle down, it is so normal. Focusing on your breath, counting your inhales and exhales can be helpful. Then, when your mind wanders again, focus on your breath again. Eventually, the mind will learn. :) It is hard - I still struggle.
ReplyDeleteLove you tons and sending you a massive hug! xx